Stressed out... Can't smile.

Feeling down... So, this will probably be the sad post... Well, gonna do a more happier post, probably, but not really sure how... Argh!

There I go again, my gastric kept hurting... And I just dun feel like eating much... Forcing food down.

At night, will try to get some comfort food... Well, but I only had probably 3 pieces of the cookie that I bought from the cookie museum, which is $35!!! Argh... Here's a little picture of the nice tin of cookies...

Wanted to get warm milk at night as well, but, it always seem that there is no hot water... Kinda made me felt worst...

Well, recently, just rejected an offer. It's really just SHITS! It's a part-time lighting artist job. First thing, the project does not interest me at all. Next, the way the hiring person wants the pay to be completely sucks. He said if I'm able to have 5 approved shots done within 1 night, which is 4 hours, then he'll pay me by hour rate. So, he'll start off with a by shot rate first. At first, he said, 1 shot I finish will be $4. So I bargain, and got $20 per shot. It's a night shift, $4 does not even cover my transport at all. So, just try out. Then I realized I've forgotten about revisions. Rarely will there be shots that will be completed so easily with no problems. Then, plus revisions? In a way, if the client doesn't like the way it's lighted, and refuse to approve it? What kinda shit is that? And, it's suppose to be just lighting? No. It's lighting, setting up the layers, rendering, checking and compositing. And paid like that? Even transport fees are not enough to cover! And even those without experience get paid more than me! I might not have alot of experience, but at least, I've done that for quite some time.

First thing when people say things such as, 'money is no an issue.' If it is not an issue, why bother to be so defensive about it? If it really isn't an issue, u won't even talk about it.

It's just all fucking shits!

Being young is not a reason to be bullied! Being young doesn't mean that I have not put in any hardwork. Being young doesn't mean that I might have a long time to go. Being young doesn't mean that I have to give chances to older people who just started to change into this industry!

It just really sucks! Maybe because I look ugly, that's just why. My skin sucks, and my intelligence level is not very high. There's just probably nothing really good about me.

Darn... I'm just losing control. I think I shall just get a PSP to really sink myself into the fantasy world and vent my anger. Argh... I'm just really sick of thinking about saving money everytime and trying to earn more money everytime...

I just dun know how to be happy... Everytime I've tried to put up with a smile outside, but deep down I'm just screaming and feeling so tired... I dun feel like talking to people anymore, I've nothing interesting to talk about or anything to say. I am just alone.

Argh! Whatever! Heck care!!!! Darn! Just wanna write this entry to just vent my anger or whatsoever... I just damn stressed out!