First post for the year 2008!

Yup! It's the start of a new year! And this is how the last day of 2007 ended with the first day of 2008...

Had work in the morning... Tired... I guess I sorta slept pretty late the previous night... But, Phew! managed to finish my assigned work pretty early. Didn't have much to do after that, because those things need to be approved by the clients first. So, sorta asked my supervisor what else to do...

Then, he msged me, 'Go watch videos at the AllShare folder!' Then, the following videos... Well, I'm new to Maya, so it's like I've gotta learn the user interface and things like that... Then after that, 'It is a task!'... Haha... Ah... but I forgot to bring hard disk yesterday, so can't get all the videos back home to watch... Well, watched a bit there... I've got no earphones/headphones, so he got me 1... Then I watched a bit...

Kinda feeling bad, but I just left early... That's 7pm... Yup, people there work very hard, I'm almost the first to leave... Haha... That's not very good. Well, I guess I'll stay late for the other days to hit 50hrs... And I'm off tocountdown at Marina Square's foodcourt!

Ailvera is really patience! Whoa! She's there at the foodcourt at 5pm plus! Which is way long before the countdown start! But thanks to her, we have got a pretty good view, table and chairs for the FIREWORKS! But to remain at the sit, we bought and eat our food 1 by 1... Well, because of work, some of us didn't reach that early... It's like buffet! We ate a main course, then some finger food, drink water, dessert, water, dessert, water.... and it goes on all the way till 12am! That's why there's alot water stored up... so it's toilet, toilet, toilet or all in 1 go!!!

Okay, so on to 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!!!!! Happy New Year and off goes the fireworks! Nothing really special for the fireworks. Well, nothing really special but it's kinda funny... Haha... Sometimes you'll hear screams as the fireworks display. Some really funny sounds... Also, comments like, "And there goes a few thousands of dollars!" And it's much more interesting looking at the people nearer to the bay and on the ground level. Ah... forgot to bring binoculars... Haha... I guess it would be pretty interesting to see what people are doing!

After that quite a lot of people left...Well, the rest of us just went over to Raffles place to find a place to sit down and chit chat. I'm kinda feeling tired, and I need the toilet again, so left sorta early first...

I've been trying so so so hard to get on either a bus or a cab... But, couldn't get it at all... Ended up calling Banana because Ive got super super no mood due to no cab stopping and all the buses are full... Well, just right they are leaving as well, so I walk all the way back to Esplanade again from Raffles City.

Okay, I'm quite confuse on how the Night Rider works. Which, is not written in the website... Like, when they are gonna loop... And of course, the route. It sorta goes round and round the town area. So, not really sure which bus stops will the bus stop at first... The first bus stop is probably around Marina Center, but the problem is I dun know where... And, there's one near to the end point of Marina would be just outside Fullerton but I'm not too sure if it loops back.

So after over 1 plus hour of intense cab flagging, and fooling around the 4 traffic light crossing point, walking round and round just to try and get a cab, I ended up walking back to Esplanade and took a bus. I actually nearly got a cab, but the uncle said he's on call... Ahh!!!! Well, it's like, there's not enough cabs at all only on this particular morning... And the rest of the mornings, there are too much cabs... Haha...

Maybe it's like punishment for leaving my friends early... (;_;) End up 1 hour of exercising around traffic lights then went back with them. But phew! It's much more empty when we got up the bus compared to when I'm over at the other side. Then I realized, that's 1 stop after Esplanade... No wonder it's so crowded...

Haha... The usual, people puke and things like that. While I was doing intense cab flagging, this trishaw uncle went to woo the little girls! Well, after the 2 trishaw uncles had their rest, they on their speakers under the passenger seat with those party music! Then 1 went ahead and the other chat with the young girls! Then a guy with the girls ask if the uncle can send them home!!!! Then the uncle say, "Can! $500!" Haha...

Well, maybe we should have just taken up Fang-er's suggestion! Which is, walking home! Now to think of it, it might be faster than trying to flag cab, or squeeze up the bus or train. Haha... And, it's good for health!!!!

That's new year eve to new year... So, tmr, it's back to work! And for this month, time to spring clean my room again... I'm still amazed with how my mum can spring clean the whole house... Alright, I'm pretty lazy... Maybe next time I should just have HUGE Cabinet in my room where I just throw everything inside. So, when the guests come, they'll see my Cabinet and my bed only, which is so CLEAN!!! HEEE!!!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

It's a pretty long time since i last blogged...

Haha... Lots of things going on this December. Well, okay, it's always alot of things going on Decemeber.

Time really flies! It's gonna be the last day of this year in 1 day time...

Okay, haven't been blogging so it's gonna be long! I'll just write about my belated birthday celebrations and christmas and my new found job! Hee!

16th December, Belated Birthday
Well, most of my friends are busy on the actual day, so no choice. Well, at least there is a belated one! Hee...

So, we just went for dinner at Raffles City Shopping Center's Menotti cafe & bar. The place really serves alot of WINES!!! But, we didn't order it.

Got a really important call while looking at the menu, so I just walked out of the place and hid behind the Christmas tree to chat. Well, it's Dave, because I wrote him an email to give me advise on looking for jobs. That's how I end up in this current company. It's either I wait and learn or I go get experience and learn. It kinda helped me to made the decision. Will talk about this in the later part.

Okay, so they last min bought a cool jacket for me! Haha... and the person wrap till like 'Ba Gua'. It's just so nice that I for sure won't put in office one! Haha... then good thing, got a small bag as well. Hehe... but good ah! No need to buy new jacket or small bag le!

The 'Ba Gua'

Okay, so the food... I didn't order anything at all! Haha... I just took some bites from the each of their dishes... And I'm really so so so bloated after that!

Didn't know they've got a special cake!!! Hehe! It's a chocolate fudge cake! I love it!

Too tempting, see the bite?

But mine dun have the ice cream on top... Hehe... Then, my friends each gave me a bit of their ice cream! Yeah!!!! And it taste very nice!

The great ones!

Woo hoo! Thanks guys for the great meal! After that, took 'a name card' from the them. And, I ended up with 3 cards... They have different branches with different names, Ricciotti, Garibaldi and Menotti. It's all so hard to pronounce...

Went to walk around a bit after dinner. Then, headed down to Gras to have a drink and to look for Nadia(Bin's gf). She gave me a Butterfly necklace! I hardly receive any jewelry gifts these days. Yeah!

Well, I guess I ate too much... Gastric is acting up again. So, I sorta empty my tummy a little by vomitting... Argh. Then went down to 7 eleven to buy lemon slices which mum says it's good for gastric. Haha... feeling much better after that. The Genius Duck and Bin wanted to make me drink till I puke... But ended up they got drunk... Because they drank far too fast! Because of my gastric, I didn't drink much though. Haha... Phew! =p

So, took a cab back and that's all for the day.

17th December, Disturbing (Oops)

Knocked on Jewl's house door at 12 midnight and woke her family up... Oops...

Wanted to call her one... But my phone's kinda suddenly gone dead... So, I just knocked on her house door...

Stayed over her house in the end... Haha... Oops... Pai seh...

Well, I actually wanted to go there and just get the earring making things. I sorta wanted to try earning some side money before I found a job. But end up, I didn't have any idea on the designs and I'm kinda lazy... argh... But luckily, I did found a job soon enough. Phew!

Hee! Jewl gave me a bag for my birthday!!! I so so so needed and wanted it!!! Finally I have a new bag!!!!

Hehe... Jewl should be back by now from her France trip. Sure hope she had a good time! Can't wait to see the photos leh!!!! Dun know how's Christmas like there...

21st December, Random Shopping
Whoa... I've spent alot this day... Went out to buy undergarments, so asked Diana out to shop around.

And, I spent 180 dollars... Argh... Well, got Tangs' membership card. Got a free pair of earrings as well. They are giving out free roses outside Tangs as well. Haha...

Went to Chinatown Square to look for a robot. And we just saw this robot saved from a burnt down house which looks really unique. There are other robots that are cool but, that one is just really unique.

Hmm... Haha... On the train, we kinda can't stop thinking about money. Well, because we overspent. So, it's like, STRESS!!!

After that, went to meet up with Jiao to get Fang-er's present! But we keep getting distracted... Shop shop! Haha... Also went to test the food of the restaurant where we celebrated Fang-er's birthday!

22th December, Cousins gathering
After such a long time, me and my cousins finally met up! So, we went to Global Sounds Cafe (introduced by Jewl) to snack and chit chat.

Okay, one thing pretty bad is the food is kinda oily. Not much variety though. But music is soothing and ambience is pretty good! And there are drums for you to play as well! Other instruments are available too!

Only after we finished our food then we realized that the boardgames are only allowed on the 3rd level. Lazy to walk up, so just stay there and chit chat all the way! Get to see photos they took when they went for their backpacking trip at New Zealand. Lots of movies' scene are there!!! Most of it, are Lord of the Ring! Saw a photo which looked like one of the scenes in Stardust as well.

Hee... Another birthday present! It's a watch! Just right, can use!!!! But, it's kinda heavy... I can really train up my wrist muscles! Got a abalone necklace as well! And my favourite, nice tasting, vinegar flavoured potato chips from New Zealand!!!

24th December, Christmas Eve
Okay, so started out with afternoon, which is the time I usually wake up...

Went down to my current company to look around and sorta interview. I woke up really late. So, I forgot to check the address... Bad... Hehe... I ended up calling Enki-chan to ask for directions not once, but twice!!!

Once I walked to the front door, the admin was about to leave, so lucky! She opened the door for me. Well, the door needs a card to tap and open it and the washroom needs a key to enter as well. Then, waited for the boss to come back. He went to but food for the company! Then chatted with him for a while. After that, he passed me a textbook of how to use Maya and I asked for a DVD as well... Left after that.

So messaged my dad and called Enki-chan! Hee... Managed to get Enki-chan to come out and accompany me!!! Yeah!

Reached City Hall first, so went up to Swatch and tried to change the watch. Didn't managed to change it. Well, first, I don't have the reciept. Secondly, the other designs don't look as nice and are either equally heavy or even heavier. So, end up not changing.

Okay, then Enki-chan reach le! Gave her a 3-in-1 present! Hee... It's a Christmas, New Year and Birthday present! She got me lego type photo frames which I can store toys inside!!! Yeah! more motivated to buy toys... Haha... Well, can start small. After that, if I got my own home, gotta put those display cabinets and pose the toys! The one in CSC looks really nice, the shop right before the escalator.

Then went off to Soup Restaurant to grab dinner! Bad... I've got no cash, so she treated me... Hee... Well, wanted to get cash, but, the 2 ATM location nearest to the train station are both renovating... Argh... So must treat her once I got my pay!!! Hee!!!

After that, wanted to buy a Power Ranger cake for Fang-er... But then, it's all sold out... So went to TCC to buy a cake. Well, it's Christmas, so they gave me a white candle, which isn't really suitable for birthdays...

Well, out of time to think, so just went ahead with it. Hehe... Dun even have lighter. But thanks to the friendly staff at the restaurant, they managed to find a lighter for us to light and helped us took photo as well. It's a Japanese Pasta Restaurant newly opened right at the corner, beside Asian Kitchen.

After the dinner, 4 guys left first to shop for clothes! Whoa! Well, the rest of us walked to Suntec and leave our things in our friend's car. Then off to the Cinema... Well, dun really feel like watching a show, ended up we played at the arcade instead.

Then, went to Global Sounds cafe again to chill... Well, since, Chinatown is slightly off town, so it's not that crowded...

It's so hard to get a cab! Even when I'm standing in the middle of the road! It's like me and Fang-er wave like mad for probably more than half an hour... Well, lots of drunk people around... And, it's either the cab is hired or it suddenly got on-call. Luckily, there's a cab that's headed to Jurong to change shift, then we managed to get a cab home...

25th December, Christmas
Hee... Hanging around Chinatown with Enki-Chan! Well, she's looking for a clover bracelet but it's sold out. The person sorta mistaken the design, so, it's kinda like, came all the way here and still couldn't get it...

Went to grab a bite. Haha... I'm really bad, I'm late because I ate breakfast... Then she haven't ate anything since morning. So, went into OG and there's a Chinese cafe. So, just ate there.

Then, we shopped! It's so so so long since I last walked around at Chinatown. In terms of shopping though. Haven't been to People's Park Complex since it renovated! Hehe... Bought some clothes there!

Well, after that, had dessert at the market. Well, it's pretty hot so it's kinda nice to have something cooling...

Haha... Enki-chan made me bought a dress!!! She bought 1 too! Hehe... But I dun know when I can wear it. Haha... Ah!!!

Then she left for dinner and I went back home...

26th December, Family Outing
Went to Chinatown again, with my family. Well, it's like, just walk around, nothing much. There's my sister, 6 years old, so, she's kinda very naughty... Then, my parents will get frustrated... So, indirectly, I dun feel so good as well...

At least, managed to walk around a bit... It's only when we are almost leaving then we found the temporary market. Haha... Kinda confusing here, there are really lots of good food and markets in Chinatown. Well, this one is renovating, so everything is shifted to the temp container type market. Then, finally Mum found my sister's new year clothes.

That's her plan, buy clothes first, then pack up the house! Okay, then we had dinner and left the place. It's so long ago that the whole family is out for such a long time.

27th December, First Day of Work
Currently, the company that I'm working for is Sparky. Well, I have been constantly warned that the work there are pretty harsh! So, must always remember! Be a Ninja! It's part of the Commando training! Haha... Something like that.

Okay, so it's the first time taking bus there... Ahh!!!! I'm lost! I think I missed the stop! And so I alighted... To find that I'm at the exact right bus stop... Phew! It's like, from phone call, interview and now this, fate... Hmm... That's what they call it?

I didn't know if I'm suppose to work because I didn't receive any phone call... Well, but I just went down just in case. I only know I have to reach there by 11am... Haha... Yup! The timing there is pretty flexible.

Alot of keys!!! And suddenly, have to remember a few more accounts and password. There's a user log-in, chat system, forum, and intra net... Then, have to tap the card to get in the office. The toilet is outside and gotta get the key to unlock the door as well... And a wooden door for the first and the last person to come or leave the place to open. Well, most likely, not me! Hee...

Sorta of find myself learning much faster. It's first day of work, and I have never touched Maya before. I'm a Max user and then I sorta gotta convert to Maya. Hopefully I can remember and work well in both softwares...

I guess it's sorta like I'm forced to. If I can't finish, I have to put in extra time and effort to finish things up. So, first day already, I'm given the task of modelling simple props. It's kinda good because it sorta makes me practice and familiarize with the software faster...

I'm still pretty amazed by the people there. They had early lunch and some of them can just skip dinner after that. Well, early lunch as in, they finish lunch before 1pm... So, for the first day, I was kinda starving and freezing...

Woke up really late, so I was rushing about, forgot to bring my sweater... I've been shaking for the whole day. Haha... First day of work, I was there for around 12 hours... It's really freezing and I kinda scared my fingers will fall out... Well, but I did break my thumb nail though...

So for now, I guess I'll just be in the company for a year or 2. It's really far from my house, but fortunately, boss is gonna book a shuttle bus to the company! Hee... Well, there are lots of people staying in the west, so most likely there'll be a bus! Hope it'll start soon!

But of course, in the office sometimes will still have the 'sian' feeling... Because there isn't much variety of food or places to eat there. Like dinner, there isn't any place nearby that is opened till that late. And most of the time, it's take away food... Well, okay, at least there is 2 monitors, so I won't be staring at 1 only... Haha... Doesn't make much of a different though...

Argh... Kinda miss texturing and painting... Well, for now, didn't get to do these things. It's mostly modelling and modelling... Hmm... I do get to improve my modelling skills though. But I wanna texture too... Sorta feel, this company, it's sorta like really just work. So far, haven't heard of any movie sessions or things like coffee sessions to take a break or something like that... And my com dun have an access to internet... Have to use another com to access... Argh...

On my way home, met Dave and his wife at the bus station. So updated him about the day and chatted with them. Haha... I'm starving...

29th December, Current
Well, it's a Sat, but I'm back at the office working... I'm still left with 1 prop to edit... Argh... Well, I guess I'll do so on Mon. Hopefully I can make it. Then after that, have to tweak tweak again.

Oh ya, so, Mon's the last day of the year! Haha... So I guess have to work fast and hard!

Well, I guess I'm slowly getting use to it there... Brought and left a jacket there as well as some cookies and cereal bars and a mug as well... Haha... Well, first day of work is pretty unprepared for the conditions. Well, because it's cold, so I tend to get thirsty more often.

Ouch! I think I just have to buy a new pair of shoes! My feet are peeling already... I actually cut away the strips of the sandals at the back... I thought it's seasoned, but in the end, painful!!!

Haha... Tiring... But really, December is kinda exciting afterall! Well, but somehow, I did lost a good friend... Argh...

Whoa... I type for so long...

Oh ya, did I mention, I saw a good looking guy on my way home! Keke...

Christmas Claws

Hehe...
Merry Christmas!

What should i do... A somewhat pathetic yet special 21st.

I'm so so so confused... Argh... Alright, just had a phone interview. Well, it's a high paying company. And I'll probably learn alot. But it's not what I really wanted... The person did ask me to think about it properly. If I go into the job, I have to switch software and maybe I cannot go to where I aimed to be.

Where my potential lies is most likely to be in texturing where I have the most interest in. So, the games industry may be more suitable. If I were to take up the job, it would mean that I'll be going more into TV series and Movies...

But for now, it really is, only for bread and butter... I have to be responsible too... So, if I have no heart to do things, there really isn't a point...

My birthday that just past not too long ago... well, that's my 21st...

Yup, no party at all... No money to celebrate... Okay, on the actual day, everything is just so bad all the way till at night.... It's only at night where it really is fun!

On the actual day, got a phone call... It's from a company. Missed the call, so ended up SMSing. I sorta rejected the job because it's really too far for me. Have to work 10+ hours and each day I'll need 4 hours to travel to and fro... And just because I said that, the guy sorta scolded me, "You are being dishonest and unprofessional". Something like that. It's a long message, so I just cut it short... Well, some say, it's most likely that he became too sensitive. I do heard that he owe people money although he is paying high and give transport fees. I didn't tell him that though.

After that, got really sick of the house, so, went out with my friend. Haha... Wearing a dress wor! It's extremely rare... Well, but my friend had to leave me for a while to join her friend for dinner. So, I sorta asked another friend to accompany me for that short time. But, no... He rather left me alone and join his other friends. It's like, just asking him to accompany me for a short while, then after that join his friends.

Friends are really important... But now, it's like a friendship is broken already...

Well, so ended up when to eat Japanese ramen at central mall! It's nice and cozy! Especially for the cold weather, it's really good! Hee... After that, walked around Clarke Quay... Then my friend finished her dinner... So, she helped me make up. I still think she should be a part-time make up artist. Haha... The way she make up is like painting a picture...

Hee... So, it's like a make over... I don't look like me leh... So, after that is the fun part!!! Ladies night!

See? I don't know what I am doing...(-_-)"

Okay, so first stop, '1 Nite Stand'. Free champagne. Saw a girl who is getting married, and all her friends made her wear a board with "I'm getting married" on it. They look like they are having lots of fun... Then, accidentally stand on the bouncer's post... oops... hehe...

Next stop, 'Double O'. Got a free, flower bottle drink... Er... Can't remember... Can only remember it's originated from Spain. Because they asked that question to give out free gifts! And danced at the dance floor... Just for a while...

Hee... And the main spotlight of night, Gotham! Woo! It's much better than I expected... Free cover charge and free drinks, free flow! The strippers are all really professional! Hey, it is a form of art! An art performance! They look really good as well! The music they play on the dance floor is fast and good too!!! Haha... There's a lady with really great dance moves, she managed to get guys to dance with her! Amazing! Well, there's really more girls than guys there though! Just have fun!

Okay, so I guess I got a little drunk... And managed to get home. So, the whole night, spent money only on cab fare and dinner. It's really fun!

Hee... Really thanks to all my friends for their birthday wishes!!!! Hee... At least, had so much fun at night!

The Zoo!!!!

Okay, so the photos... I think i'll skip the descriptions... =p

trying to take photo with my phone, then this butterfly flew onto my hand... (-_-)"

Finally changed the skin

Hmm... is this considered change? Well, I really don't know how to code... So I'm sorta trying things out with the HTML template. Argh... Haha... So, it ends up like that... How's it? Does this look good?

So far it's only text text and text... Okay... will post pictures next time...

Okay... If anyone wants to join a drawing session can go to Pencil Pushers and post okay? Just give me your email and I will just add u in! Hee... Well, can just doodle something for fun and post! Just a small commercial here... Well, trying to get more people to join and get the site to be extremely active and excting!

I'm awake... and they are asleep... (-_-)

Went to the zoo yesterday with my parents. Haven't been into nature for quite sometime, so it's pretty good to relax the eyes... I think the attraction is still doing some upgrade works though, lots of new things since I last went which is 1 year ago or longer? Will probably blog about it another time... Didn't take pictures of alot of animals though...

And good thing about going to the zoo is, finally! My parents saw how bad the camera has gotten to... And Alright! My dad did say he is gonna buy 1 new one. My parents did quarrel a little about new camera being expensive and blah blah blah... Muahaha... In any case, I think they gonna get a new one soon anyway... Most likely it's not for me... (-_-)

After that back at home... There my phone goes again... send out msgs cannot see it get sent and then can't receive msgs and can't call out or call in... Now, that describes the problem - phone's main functions aren't working...

Okay, in the end I did got out... and spent the whole night out and took the first train back this morning... Then slept...

Now I sorta feel like, "Oh great! (roll eyes) I'm awake now and everyone else is sleeping again..." Then again, it actually happens almost everyday. Yep, living pretty unhealthy still. Can't seem to sleep at the right time...

Okay, so just have to change a little bit of lightings for my creature on Tues. Because sorta going down to the studio to get my teacher to teach me how to improve my lighting. I totally suck at lighting... After that, I'll just send out my reels and I can't really remember how to react when interviewed... Haven't do that in a long time. Eh... So just see how it goes eh?

Hmm... I think I need to find some new entertainment or something. But nothing is ever cheap around here. It's sorta like, the things to do is quite limited. Wanna catch movies again and again. I think I'm quite a movie freak... But it ain't cheap to go for 1... Well, but I still do love movies!

Hehe... I think I gotta try to learn to speak up once more... And gain confidence back and things like that... Hm... Like er... People's skills or something. I'm pretty bad at these now... Cannot. Must be more cool! Muahahaha....

Okay, off to do some painting or drawing or reading up on how to sculpt. And yea... certain things is still pretty scary, but just gotta go go go!

Darn... Feeling kinda cold.

Well, I guess I won't delete the other entries. After all, it's what I felt up till now although it's kinda boring. Hmm... even if it does offended people, too bad, all I can say is sorry, this is my blog.

Haven't done anything to the blogskin. Okay, I'm pretty lazy and kinda down to do anything about it. Argh... my legs are feeling kinda numb... Probably lack of exercise...

Nothing much been happening to my life. Then again, it seems like alot have happened. Here I am blogging about I dun really know what as well.

Okay, maybe I should apply for the free GV card. December's almost here. Loads of shopping offers, well it's year-end and Christmas and New Year. Got an email from MOS, looks like a pretty good offer, but it's quite costly still...

And yea... Finally, finished my reel. So far, I did tried to apply a few companies with the older not modified model. No news. Gonna try again. It's sorta like don't really know where else to send. Argh... Maybe should try more overseas one? Well, there are all really hard to get in. Gotta try harder and harder. Yet, sometimes, is hardwork really paying off?

But then again. There really are a lot of admirable people around who never gave up. Saw in the CG SG forum about this armless Japanese artist. Even without an arm, he could paint so so so much better. It sorta keeps me thinking. Argh... I'm just far from that.

December is almost here. Argh... Some thing is bugging me, but I don't know what it is... I don't know why somehow it feels so cold and lonely. It somehow felt like it doesn't really matter if I go overseas and work. I just don't really feel like I belonged anywhere.

Darn... have that feeling I wanna drink again. It just really doesn't feel good at all... I'm just sad... just really sad somehow... Just wanna drunk my sorrows... Argh... this sucks...

Okay, I think I gonna trash all the other posts...

Sorta like, using the same url and trash away the other posts...

Hmm... I'll probably just change....

ARgh... cause it kinda got boring... Had no new ideas... No motivation... Darn... This kinda sucks...

What can I say? Been drinking and drinking...

Life just kinda sucks... Nah, maybe I'm the one that sucks at doing things right...

My phone's camera is spoiled... Argh... Darn...

Why can't I even get drunk... I've been drinking... But why just can't I get drunk?

I'm just kinda weird... It's like, after a few hours I drank, I woke up much much much earlier than usual. Probably, alcohol is like coffee...

Boring... I'm just boring it's not life that's boring...

Do I have to be fake?

It just doesn't feel good... Creature's head here...

Darn... I'm just no where... It's like what am I supposed to do... How? How am I supposed to even get better? Just wanted to learn more, and no money means learning nothing... It doesn't feel good at all when I'm still stuck here... Trying to get out but just can't see the path... It's like still, no company wants me and no school to go to... I'm really trying hard already... Will all these hard work even bring me somewhere?

Guess I'm not gonna receive much of comments here since there ain't alot of people knowing this blog...

Loads of movie I wanna watch!

There's so many movies coming up! And there is 1 movie that I definitely don't wanna miss this year! That'll be Nightmare before Christmas 3D!

Well, took the quick rating thing in facebook for the movies application, flickster (right?) Guess I've missed quite a bit of shows... Haha... And it's like, I wanna watch almost every movie... And well, I guess some of my ratings are pretty bad... Bleh...

Okay, my computer is acting a little weird again... Well, I think I figured out the problem. But I'm not too sure if I adjusted the virtual memory too high will it be dangerous... Hmm...

And a few things are pretty bad. Talking about the way I live currently... Argh... I'm addicted to coffee! Wondered if it's because I can't have alcohol... and coffee is well, cheaper... Bad... My teeth is all yellow... Haha... And, I can't seem to sleep at night... And I can't wake up the morning... Sorta having weird dreams...

Ah... Dreaming... just wanna drown in the dreams... And, it's dreams not nightmares...

My blog's pretty boring with no pictures... I wanna draw... Oh well...

I'm bored at home.... And sometimes I just feel like saying, date me! See? I'm crazy... (-_-)

AH!!!! Yikes!

Yikes! The file sizes are getting bigger and bigger... oh darn... Hard disks!!! Now it's already 2.5GB in size for my creature's textures... Well, that is, the working Photoshop files...

Mum's birthday yesterday... And something's a bit weird with my phone camera... I guess, it's probably the candles? It kept on turning green... And some weird pink strips. Please don't let it spoil...

Didn't feel that well yesterday, so I'm sorta locking myself in the room and getting frustrated and all... Yea... isn't really healthy anyway. I need alcohol! Okay, isn't healthy too... Haha... oh well, whatever. Life just gotta go on anyway!

Haven't watch a movie for a long time... ah...

Feeling rather fired up! It feels good! Muahahahaha!!!!

Well, it's sorta like, I wanna fight fight fight! I dun wanna lose! I won't lose! Grr....

yup... Okay, back to working with my creature!

YIKES Again!

YIKES! Jobs are coming in.

Why do i just feel sorta demoralized whenever I check my mail. Well, because there are so many jobs coming in, and there are also good CG artists there... Argh...

I just need a job soon... Darn... Really running broke. Then again, I guess I'm pretty stubborn too...

Kinda don't feel good... Argh... Well, so far, my creature still looks kinda weird...

And, haven't even do something about the blog skin...

And didn't even drew anything for a long long long time... not even going for cafe drawings...

Darn...

Oh... Weird feelings...

October... How come alot of people I know was born in October?! Even my mum and dad!

My dad's birthday just over. And 11 more days to my mum's! Haha... Well, I do feel kinda bad, not being capable of buying something for them... Not even the cake. I wanted to pay for it, but, I guess mum's just worried that I might not have enough to spend... After all, I'm jobless and at home doing my reel.

So... Yea... It's just life... Sometimes it just really felt really demoralizing and lousy... Well, but I really must hurry up with my reel!

Okay, so it's the rainy aura around me... Argh... It actually doesn't feel that good. Even my blog's sorta the same. Well, kinda weird if I suddenly change. But, well, Muahahaha!!!! Duh... Gotta be more cartoony! eh... but i gotta find a style eh? haha...

Somehow, it's just weird... Kinda felt like I miss Christmas! And felt like I wanna shop online... Or, I wanna shop overseas... Ah!!!! Wanna go vacation! Miss alot of my friends too!!!!! Ah... Miss fun! Oh... exciting when i think about it... but reality is, eh... ahh!!!!

Oh ya, last post, I didn't know that it works without a title. Not very good without a title though...

Okay, haven't been blogging for so long. I'm just getting a little lazy to blog... Haha... And when I wanna blog, just lazy and now I'm blogging, I forgot what to blog... Oops...

Phew, it's been raining these days. Finally, the pigeon's shits are all washed away! Well, mum did say that there are probably 2 pigeons there. That's why there is a big pile of shits there... And mum sorta joked, "Maybe they are making love and after that shitted before they left..."

Sat, when to my grandma's house to have dinner. Well, hmm... nothing much happening though. Just the playful little dog. I think he's just been enclosed for too long. So, when he's out, he kept jumping onto me... And ew.... I smell like a dog after that... cause all his saliva... I think that kinda made my aunt and uncle a little unhappy cause he is misbehaving. Oops...

Well, Sun... when out for dinner with a friend. Was playing game in the morning all the way till dinner... I kinda quarreled with my parents and sister. Got a little pissed off... So, basically I just locked myself in my room and played game... Didn't wanna talk to them at all... Well kinda felt better after having dinner with my friend ba.

And yesterday, my aunt's new clinic opening. It looked so much better than the old shop house. Well, this time round, she added a new VIP room. Haha... Well, it's a pretty good idea though. The renovations look pretty good. And there are lots of flowers... They are mostly gifts. I think there are around a few thousand dollars of flowers around. Lots of food too! Buffet from 3 different type of company. And there are homemade desserts as well. And there's a professional photographer as well! Okay, so nothing much happening though... Keke...

Oh great... Why no one replies in the forum to my thread? Argh... Is it that bad? Well, Doing my creature and I sorta posted the head. Guess it's just not good enough to even be commented eh? Argh.... Maybe I shouldn't have posted.

Haven't been doing my reel. Bad... I've been going out and going out... And I'm now getting a little lazy to do my reel. It's really bad... I just gotta do it. Well, must at least complete 1 piece of armor today. Grr...

Darn! Haha... then again, felt like playing RPG game again... Haha... Then again, nah...

Life's complicated yet simple. Muahahaha!!!!!

Not again! Grr...

Ah... The birds shit outside my window again. It's so dirty again! Grr... I can barely open my window. I just dun understand why the architecture of the building is so damn poor. It's like there are addition stuff that are supposed to block off rain but doesn't and instead allowed pigeons and birds to stand on them and shit.

Just bad design. Doesn't block off rain. Allows the birds to shit all over. And there's one part protruding out from the window to collect the bird shits. And inconsiderate neighbours around that are throwing, pouring unwanted stuffs down... Yucks! The worst is throwing down their stained sanitary pads. It's just gross...

Okay, I'm complaining again. Well, really irritating. This area of the country is sorta overcrowded and there is always the airplanes flying... Yeah, there's an airbase nearby. But, can't the planes fly faster? They just like to drag the noise. So much for noise pollution.

Yucks.

A long complain... Oops

Okay, basically, I'm just probably gonna complain about some stuffs... Haha... Oops.

Last friday, went to a wedding dinner. I won't say which hotel it is here. Well, bad service. It is too obvious that something went wrong with the management. Even the supervisor is sorta like slapping his head in front of the guests... The second dish of the course, shark fin soup, almost all the pepper dispenser(is that the right name?) are not working at all... Next, they are really slow in re-filling the drinks. When they clear the plates, sometimes, they forgot to place another new plate... And some of their plates, are not clean...

And what's worst is their english. Well, kinda weird and funny i guess. Wouldn't have noticed the mistake if it's not for their tone. When they are clearing the plates, they asked, "Are u finished?". Yup, and it's in that kinda not that friendly tone, kinda rude too. Anyway, isn't it supposed to be, "Have u finished?"? Or they can just simply ask, "May I clear ur plate?". Duh...

Next is the washroom, well, no clear signs of where it is, no arrows pointing. And it doesn't cater for non-English educated. There is no logo/ picture at all. Not even at the door of the washroom. There's only the word of "male" and "female" written on the doors and the text size is really small. It's easy to miss it.

Okay, end of complains... It's a pretty long one though... Oops...

Haha... My aunt got my dad a Harley Davidson t-shirt. It looks cool actually, but dad says he's too old for it. Duh...

Well, so, sat and sun, I didn't went out or anything. Argh... kinda bored... Okay, I'm not being a good girl because I've been playing games and not doing my work. Haha... Yup, very bad.

Oh ya, and my cousins from New Zealand is coming to visit real soon! Alright!

And that kinda reminds me. I think there's quite a lot going on on the 20th. Birthday celebrations in that case. And the 21st is the date for my cousins visit.

Watched Bleach movie yesterday. Not bad. The ending's kinda sad though. The concept is sorta like Experimental Lain I guess. Sorta like, "Memories are gone but what's this feeling?" Well, I guess it's probably true that people have 2 types of memories, one is the mind and the other, the body. Haha... Bleh...

I better go do my reel now... So far, I've just complete the head. Probably will do some fine tuning after finishing up most of the parts... Sometimes, it is kinda demoralizing when I'm just not good enuff... Gotta try harder...

Oh, what can I blog about?!

The mooncake festival just ended. Well, there are still celebrations for it, but I guess the full moon's not there anymore.

It's a nice full moon yesterday,16th and it's rounded than lunar 15th. There's a nice rainbow surrounding it. Cool!

Yea... yesterday went to mambo night. Well, end conclusion, i prefer pubbing. Just not too happy yesterday, cause it's boring and the alcohol they served seems kinda tasteless... Well, sorry, but everything just doesn't seems to be good at all, music sucks, it's too overcrowded. Maybe I shouldn't have gone out yesterday.

Okay, I'm probably just weird but I guess I prefer bitter taste. Of course, not too bitter. Like, bitter chocolate, bitter coffee, bitter alcohol. Don't really like things that are too sweet... Oh whatever...

Duh... Grr... I think I'm just down again. I just can't seem to make the eyes of the cyborg look right... looked for references, but their eye shape is different from the start, so, when i try it on, it looks odd...

And there's not much events happening around, nothing much to blog about...

Sometimes, just felt the hatred growing within...

So this is how it goes...

Okay, I just needed time off... So, weekends are pretty great!

Well, Sat, I left home feeling really upset. I guess I kinda could figure it out...

Gotta say, really sorry, was late for an hour meeting my friends for the wushu guan mo hui at the indoor stadium. And, I had a dead/glum/long face. I just didn't feel good at all... So, I didn't talk much and I sorta get a little unhappy when people talk about their job and all that. Yeah... I'm really bad. Can't get my thinking straight.

But in the middle of the performance, I guess I sorta felt better and all that. Then, I started to talk and fool around. And, yeah, it feels much better fooling around rather than having that glum face. It just makes my facial muscle feel unwell.

So, didn't really felt like going home that night. I guess I sorta quarreled with my mum. I didn't really bother to reply or tell my parents where was I and stuff like that. Yeah, bad, I'm being kinda inconsiderate and irresponsible. Went to my friend's house to stay over.

I really love movies somehow. Well, watched 200 pounds beauty all over again and watched the first few episodes of Friends season 1. Nice. In 200 pounds beauty, "just do what u do best, that's enough." Er... Hard. Haha. And Friends, it's funny!

It's really cold at night. No blanket to cover my legs. Haha... cause my friends are using it. Well, luckily, I have my jeans to cover. Kinda weird, I'm wearing shorts and covering my legs with my jeans. And, I'm sleeping sitting on the sofa. I guess I sneezed too much that night, so, my nose kinda blocked. So, lying down is really hard for me to breath, thus, sleeping sitting up.

Honestly, I didn't really sleep much and didn't really feel much like sleeping for the whole night. Okay, so morning. And wow! My friend's mum is really generous! There's like so much food in the morning. I'm bloated.

After that, rushed down back to the west to bake a cake for the birthday girl. It's kinda really late already. So we are all rushing... Quick quick bake the cake. And, it's like, so where should we be meeting them? Kinda fun baking the cake. And I sorta realized something.

I just feel kinda amazed. My mum's kitchen is really very clean. There isn't grease around the cupboards. And, yup, she always make the effort to clean the walls and cupboard every time after she cooked. Well, okay, back to the story.

So, decided to meet at the Mac in West Coast. And, we just had to be there before them. Like, a surprise. "Hey! How come u guys are here?!" There comes the birthday girl. Haha... Yeah... then funny, we are at Mac but we brought our own food as well. Ordered some food from Mac too! And, there are 5 packets of seaweed. It's like, 1 of each flavour... So, there's original, seafood, tomato, wasabi, tom yam. Duh... And Jiao even made red eggs! The cake is pretty okay for the sponge part, but I guess the icing is a bit too watery. Haha... Fun!

Yea, we all had fun. After that, went home. Was pretty tired. Guess I felt better so, did chat with mum. Mum's like saying she's gonna buy a microwave since the supermarket nearby is selling it at a pretty good price.

Okay, so I cooked a packet of noodles and ate it. Haha... I'm kinda bloated though. Just felt like eating... That's after I bath. Ate my noodles and went to sleep. It's like one night in the cold kinda made my skin thicker. Haha... I'm just tired. So off to bed, and woke up this afternoon...

Yep. I guess I just need to take a break occasionally. Well, it sorta does make me miss my creature. So, when that happens it makes me wanna do my work again!

So I can say my current situation... It's really not the usual. I'm not working, and I don't have the money to further my studies. I'm not qualified enough to work. Thus, I'm self-studying, and of course, it may take a longer time. Occasionally, I'll take up some short contract work to keep me alive. Short contract work, will give me a few days/weeks off such that I'll really miss doing my reel. So, that's just it.

I gotta exercise some time too... And, hopefully, tmr I can wake up earlier. Yea, just have to take my time to learn, but not too long and not too fast. Fight on!

i hate this world.

scribbled on the paper. tear it away from my sketch book. tear another of my past sketch from the book. tear them into pieces. throw them around.

i hate this world. i really do.

Not a good feeling... On the verge of craziness...

Darn! And yesterday, I was so hungry that I kept on thinking about food... The moment I woke up today, ate fried rice and there I am again... Sick of food..

Waking up really late... It's just bad. And not exercising... Super bad...

I think I really need a schedule and a plan. It's sorta like, there are a lot of things that I should do and learn, just that it's too much and too messy. Like, one moment I wanna do this, another moment, I should do that.

Argh... Like people say, no plan=failure. Well, bad plan doesn't work as well... Just, gotta do things step by step.

And, I'm sorta sick of my creature, so, I guess I'll give it a little break and meanwhile, learn something else...

Guess my basics still sucks! Darn! Gotta learn more more more! It's just not satisfying... NOT SATISFYING!!!! Grr... Fight on!!!!!

Darn! I don't feel good at all..

Totally lost in time...

Freak! I'm sleeping for so so so long almost everyday.

Even when I thought of sleeping early, I might be able to wake up earlier. Ended up, I slept earlier, but, I woke up later...

Doesn't really feel good with that sleepy feeling all the time.

It's like I suddenly go blank when I sleep. When someone wakes me up, I don't know where I am. Duh...

And, ARGH! It's really bad, I think I might need to take quite along time to finish up with the creature. Damn!

*Breathes in* Don't bother. Don't bother. Don't bother. Don't mind. Don't mind. Don't mind. Phew.....

One of my model...

So far I've only got 1 model for my reel. It's sorta done last year. A creature in the process. Lots of things to learn still, such as making the creature look fierce! And the details and stuff like that... Gotta learn how to paint as well... So much more to learn...

I think it's swollen...

Sunday was really fun! Well, helped Stop Cloud to shift the digital piano to her house... So, we get to sit at the back of the lorry! Whoa! It's so long since the last time I sat at the back of the lorry. And what's more shiok is the big rain! Haha... not really that much a good thing but it's kinda fun to get play with the rain occasionally.

After the piano trip, we went all the way to a fish farm! Kinda cool, there's the fish spa. Well, mum kinda got mad, cause she says the sucker fishes may be capable of spreading other people's diseased skin around. Not that much of a good thing but, just for the sake of experience. And, fed the fishes and went around to look at the fishes for sale and the fish gallery. There's one really poor thing. The fish was kinda born with it's neck snapped downwards, so, it can't really swim around. But it's really alert, as u moved, u can see it's eyes moved, like it's looking at u.

Yea, and Monday went to training. Well, I didn't though. I'm sorta just walking around the school. Sorta wanted to jog, but the nice cooling weather makes me so lazy... Haha.... Kinda fun chit chatting!

Okay, so it's today... dun really feel that good. Had this really bad swollen feeling near my throat... Argh... Feeling a little feverish. But I guess it's sorta all better now.

Well, have been kinda unhappy and depressed for quite some time... can't say that I'm totally cured though. Anger and sadness isn't really good for health. True, but sometimes, I think I just need that to survive. And yea, I don't trust people that easily. But then again, I don't really bother, in the end I do trust people to a certain extend. After all, people can have their own little secrets too! Secrets that they don't wan others to know, or not the right time for others to know. Sorta complicated. But, that's just the way it is eh?

Hmm... I think it's not that I don't trust people. It's just that I don't really wanna depend on others so much. Well, everyone have their own problems after all. So, if certain problems I can solve it, just solve it myself. And, some problems, it should be solved myself. What's so bad about that? Well, of course it doest feels better sometimes to share our problems. I don't know, sometimes sharing these feelings kinda made me feel awkward...

Life's just life. Me is just me. Just see how it goes.

Time?

I just felt my time have stopped... It's sorta slowed down. Didn't even realized that it's already Friday...

Time is passing really fast!!! AH!!!!!

Whoa! It's already Thursday! YIKES!!!! And worst, it's already September...

I better hurry!

Grr!!!! Fight on!!!!

Ah... not really feeling well...

Just have that weak feeling... A little bit of headache... And feels like my eyes popping out.

I think I better change my lifestyle to a healthier one. Hmm... I should go gym now and then eh? But, any gym that is good to intro? And, yea, I better shift my sleeping time...

Ah... damn.

Rainy day

Nice cool rainy day... It's a really heavy rainy day. And, that makes me really sleepy... Ah... just sorta felt really nice to relax on this kinda days...

But, I don't think I can. Gotta paint paint paint... Well, though I did slept a little more today...

Damn! Last night, yup, I'm a little pissed off by a friend saying all those things. It's sorta like saying i'm useless or what so ever! Duh, what's so bad about doing freelance? What's wrong about spending my time at home to do my reel? Why would I need a part-time when I can survive with the money earn from freelance for the time being? At least, I'm NOT eating off from my parents' money! At the most, I'll have no money to spend. By the time, I'll sure be looking for a temp job to keep me alive.

Well, I guess it's just that he don't understand at all. He's doing video and yea, his works from poly can get him a job. But, me? It's 3D! And, over the whole school during my time, there are only less than 10 people who are interested in 3D. And, the course is a mixed of everything only. Well, of course, hopefully it's better now since there are finally courses specializing in the different areas. Even looking for a job with expected salary $1000 per month won't get u any job at all.

So, I gotta do a reel that is up to the minimum requirements in order to find a job. Without that, it's not really possible. And, doing part-time will take up too much time. I've tried that before, the reason why I quit is because, there is really hardly anytime to do my reel.

Well, just a little pissed. It's my life after all. Well, lots of people won't understand it. Not much of a pay, but it's fun. And, it's really the satisfying feeling that is really worth it. But of course, who wouldn't wish for more pay?

In any case, for now, I'll do my reel and hopefully can get into a good company, if there is overseas opportunity, grab it. And blah blah blah... For now, can't think too much, gotta finish the real basics first, the REEL! hehe...

Okay, off to paint... and, bump maps and displace maps always greyscale. Looking at too much black and white really make me @_@ !!!

Paint Paint Paint!

Had quite a terrible headache yesterday night.... Really dizzy. So, ate panadols and went to sleep. As usual, once the headache is removed, I sorta can't really sleep anymore. The more I sleep, the more the ache will come back again. So, end result, me waking up this early!

In any case, I think I better sleep just enough and not over. It's sorta like, once I sleep too much, I'll get headache for the whole day... And, I'll have that really terrible feeling of vomiting. Argh... Well, I better eat all the 3 meals per day... Stay healthy and stuff like that. And of course, to remove that feeling of being strangled...

Well, my eyes are still kinda sleepy. But, yup! I'm painting the bumps and displace maps already! Not done yet... I'm only doing the really 1st one for the creature/robot.

Okay, off to grab my breakfast!

YIKES!!!!!!

Alright, so, i did some cleaning up of my room...

WHOA!!!! DUST DUST DUST everywhere! After removing all the dust... AHH!!!!!!

Well, since most of my furnitures are made of wood... And, since whenever it rains, rain water splash in... and, AHH!!!!! It's sorta like damaged some parts of the furnitures... it's like bloated and stuff like that...

What I can't figure out is why one of the edge of my shelf is chipping off...

Really wanna buy new storage shelves, but, money is one thing. And, the other is, where do I put my old shelves then? I'll be glad that I can just throw them away, but Mom would probably disassemble them and put them in the store room (which is quite full now.)...

Luckily, didn't find any insect nests... Phew! Hope there won't be any...

Ah... my skin is peeling and peeling... ew.... feels like a snake peeling it's skin...

Well, there isn't anything else interesting for now I guess... or maybe, I just dun really notice them...

What a life.......

Well, now it's like, -----------

No emails to read....

Recently got this weird problem with my computer... It's really weird. I can't even explain... Currently, scanning my entire hard disk. Hmm... Any free anti-virus scanning website or devices to intro?

Asked a few people le... Eanne said it might be something to do with the RAM... hmm... Hope it doesn't appear again...

Well, under current circumstances, good, I'll be doing my reel! Haha... And so I guess, it's down to the traditional method of painting instead of Zbrush... Maybe after the creature I'll practise more on it.

Haven't really add links and the skin to my blog... Well, just one word to describe me, lazy... Haha... Sometimes, it's just better to admit ur own faults eh? After all, i'm not perfect. But of course, trying not to be that lazy... Maybe, just not trying hard enough... Oops... keke...

Grr... AHHH!!!!!!

Ahh... Mum just keeps on nagging about the mistake dad made for my sis's passport thing... It's just... Can't stand it sometimes...

I guess, I'm just sorta frustrated... Felt so so useless sometimes. People are already out there working, and yet, I'm still at home learning and learning... I'm young so it's okay? Nah... There are so many people who are young and yet they are so so so capable! They know so much things... And, I'm just still learning...

I knew all these long ago. But yet, why do people doubt me? I always knew that my works are not that good, but why to others, they always think that I'm arrogant? I just don't get it. I only had a tiny bit of confidence... And that confidence have already been wiped out completely... It's really hard to build it back...

Well, who cares? No comments, no improvement eh? I think I'm still pretty bad at figuring things out sometimes eh? ah... Guess I really wanna learn how to paint... no money to go for classes, so it's just the net and me... haha... I meant, the tutorials online...

Ahh... practising Zbrush... or rather just started... Haven't touch my reel for quite some time already... Hard to control...

Don't mind.... Don't care too much...

Maybe that's the fear. Because I mind too much, probably that's why...

A nice cool day... raining and raining... Feeling so much better I guess. Better start firing up the engine... It's really hard to start... Grrr....

My room is getting pretty dusty... I don't get it at all... why are there so many bugs crawling around... ew.... ants... spiders? and there's this tiny worm-like thing... AHH!!!!!

Friends... They are always there when u need them to, but, they can't always be there when u want them to eh? Ah... I guess I do miss friends...

Blank...

Am I that bad? So bad that almost everyone cancel their appointments with me...

Why is it that every time I ask people out, they most likely can't make it... Argh... Can't they ask me out instead... But why should they anyway eh? They are busy... Well, ahh!!! I'm just crazy...

Just felt so so so... blank... Ah... just what is wrong with me...

Lazy bones...

Yup... kinda lazy... ahh!!!

Sorta like, no motivation again... I'm like slacking off again... Didn't touch my creature all the way till now... ahh... bad... Worst still, didn't even draw!!!!

Hmm... should I change my hairstyle? ahh...

I am lost, yet am I really? Ahh... Or am I just too lazy to move forward... ahh!!!!

SCREAM!!!!

Hmm... getting a degree... Ahh... What's the point? the only point that I find is, to get a degree "for show". It doesn't increase my chance of getting a job. Oh, whatever...

Grr... Ahh!!! Ahh!!!! SCREAM!!!!!

ahh!!! I'm so confused...

Ahh!!! I'm so confused! How exactly do I control Zbrush...

It's so hard... Well, maybe I'm just not used to it. And it's AH!!!!! HELP!!!!

Maybe that's the way it is, whenever I find things hard, I'll just need sometime to calm down before attempting it again... Guess it's not really good eh? I should work harder! Yea, it really does feels good when I learnt something new.

Grr.... My arms a little tired... Maybe I should exercise a bit soon...

Ahh, I think the lazy bug is awake... Oh no!!!

End of work, I have to look for another soon.

Yup, gotta look for another job. Before that, I better finish up my reel.

Bad thing is, I'm kinda feeling a little lazy. It's hard to start the engine, but once it's started, shouldn't have a problem.

Whoa! Last week is really work, work, work and work. And, worst is, there's a public holiday last week, national day! And, I gotta work on that day, and also weekends...

But, at least managed to go for dinner in the evening of national with jewl. And after that went to DXO to look for Nut. Well, haven't seen him for so long, he really put on some weight. It's kinda weird atmosphere in DXO. It's a club, but it's almost empty. I wondered if it's because everyone is tired after the national parade. Worst thing is, there are live bands performing! Yet, there's no one there to 'ROCK IT!' That sorta thing. No one in the dance floor. Ah...

So, weekends, work and work till very late. Luckily, cab fare can be claimed! Phew... On Sunday, went out for lunch with my friends, it's Jiao's birthday celebrations. I actually felt kinda sad, because I left them after a while to go back to work. And, I'm sorta locked outside of the office... Ah...

Well, it's just a sad feeling within me, guess because I've been working and working... It's like, when you are not free, your friends' are free, and you can't join them. It kinda gets lonely too, when you are free and your friends' are not. Well, yea, complicated. Or maybe, I just need too much attention. Oh no!

Think I'm getting fat. For the past few days in office, I've been eating pizzas, KFC and Macdonalds... Oh no...

Well, yesterday's my last day, so, I'll just give myself a break today, and tomorrow I have to continue with my reel. Or rather, I just have to test and practise a bit on the software. Well, I guess I really learn a lot of stuff during my 2 weeks. And, yea! I can add something on to my resume.

Ah... not enough sleep, so I guess I'm getting really heaty... Haha... I wan beer!

What is happiness really?

Okay, so like the title says, what is happiness really? Well, no story here, just asking a complicated question.

Past few days working... Next week will be a pretty heavy week. After that, I'll just have to look for another job again. Well, sorta hope that I can go to a game company. So, I better work hard with my model. All that's left is texturing it. Before I do that, I think I'll probably just try some stuff out.

Oh ya, past few days working... It's really cool! I felt I really learn a lot of new stuff that I didn't even noticed it's inside the software. And I learn new things about texturing skin too! Like, falloff colours and the lighting setup that will affect it.

Yup, talking about that, sorta wanna try a bit of mental ray. Well, no really sure what's that about... haha... oh ya, forgot to ask my friend how to do the multi displacement maps stuff... haha...

Yesterday, went to watch The Simpsons, it's really great show where u can laugh none stop! Well, there are values taught in the movie as well! So, I guess is really pretty good. Hmm... I wondered, did they used ink and paint in the movie? Cause it looked a little 3D when rotated... Haha... but the last part right before the movie credits end is kinda scary! Haha...

All of a sudden, I guess I got sick. Funny, enki-chan got sick too. Is it me? Ah... I think I better bring my sweater with me to work next week. And, hope enki-chan's feeling better.

Well, these few days, I don't really know why, sorta have the feeling for missing something... Hmm... No idea what's that about. Sometimes, just felt that I don't really have a lot of friends, but luckily, I have a lot of good friends! Haha... Well, I guess the part where everyone grows up, we have lesser time to have fun. Just kinda felt, it's hard to find someone not that busy. But, still manage to find people to have fun with! And, that's phew!

What's wrong with me lately? Keep wanting to drink and drink and drink... And have the 'sian'/bored feeling hung up on my face. Or rather, that's just probably me. But, good thing is, I don't look so fierce anymore! Haha... Is it?

Cold...

It's getting colder around here... Kinda nice, cause it's a little windy and not humid or hot.

But one bad thing is, my muscles will sorta cramp easily during cold weathers... ah... so it's kinda stiff...

Well, watched 'sky blue' this afternoon. And, yes, another great stuff! When will I even reach that kinda stage... The matte painting is just great!

Sleepy and tired for the whole day. really nice weather to sleep in. Oh ya, think I better turn in soon... gotta wake up early later.

Work hard! Work hard!

Tired... Confused...

Well, met up with enki-chan for lunch today... haha... walked from lavender MRT, WHOA! A mud skipper! Saw a bird too, something like a crane, it's sorta standing very still like a statue!

Okay, so lunch, miss the food there! hee... so nice chating with enki-chan. Hehe... Yea... made me sorta think about certain things. Like, learning japanese language, how I should earn some money to survive first... Ah... really appreciate it ba!

Hee... really great to have so many advisors. But I guess one really bad thing is just me. I'm lazy at times... And that's really a killer...

After lunch, went to meet bin and banana go walk around at central. It's sorta like a new mall, so, we are kinda lost inside... maybe because most parts of the mall is made up of clear glass, so, visible of where the exit is, luckily, not trapped! One really stupid thing that I did is climbing a 90 steps stairs down to the train station only to realize that the escalator is right beside when I reached... (-_-)"

Had subway for dinner at orchard. My legs are really tired after all that walking... Well, okay, better go do a little bit of my reel before I sleep...

Ah... What am I think? I'm so indecisive.... Why am I turning down so many part-time jobs? It's sorta like I'm too scared to take it up. I know I'm not fast enough, yet I didn't try... Just afraid that I might make the company lose money or something... I should have just try. I'm kinda disappointed with myself.

Whoa! Time really flies...

Somewhat just felt so, time really really flies... the way it is, it's kinda scary. Argh... Still so much to learn...

well, nothing really exciting so far... okay, so the basic modelling and unwrapping done... but I haven't model the weapons for the creature... still kinda alot to do. I still wanna try displacing certain things before going into texturing the creature, sorta like a test. not really familiar with zbrush... so, kinda trying to learn the software. haha... I'm sorta a little old fashion, I guess. I wanna try painting too, as well as drawing... Ahh... haven't draw in quite a while... Still a lot to learn...

Really want a job, but, with my skills, it's just not enough... even if I wanna go for internship, I can't, simply because I don't have a school... So, just gotta learn and practice myself till I'm good enough eh? Yet, it does feels demoralizing when there's not much money left to survive. And, nope, I'm not getting any money from my parents, so I just gotta get better.

Hmm... Sometimes, I just really wondered, about the doing research part. Well, we do need to do research, but I would think that adding imagination and creativity into it will be much more cool! It's like reaching for the sky? If certain things are too logical, then, it'll sorta become more of copying than creativity right? Argh... Whatever!

I think I'm kinda going crazy... Well, when I saw my dad hit my sister because of her misbehaviour, it sorta made me feel that he's kinda childish. Well, she's not really misbehaving, she just said, " I don't like daddy to be fierce...", and out came my dad. Hmm... I guess the saying that "as we grow older, we become more child-like" is sorta true? Nah... Rather, I think, there's a kid in everyone. There always will be. Haha...

Didn't realize my speaker was on so loudly... When I on the music, I sorta had a fright... Guess it really scared me quite a bit. Well, it's sorta weird, the player I use always play much more louder than any other software I'm using. That's why when I switch them, sometimes I forget to turn the volume down. That's what happens...

Well, I guess tomorrow will probably be a break. Haha... and no artworks posted here yet... But, it's nothing much to show anyway...

Nice weather... What is this feeling?

Kinda windy these days. Really nice weather.

Feeling so tired... I probably slept too much. What's this feeling? Like, it's sad... yet, it's okay.

Hmm... well, better get back to doing my reel.

What a day... Thoughts...

Alright, does construction companies work even on sat? I guess no surprise. Well, it's kinda noisy today... or rather, these days! They are sorta redoing the pavement right below my block. And, it's really early in the morning. Okay, I don't wake up in the morning. Argh... so, morning till afternoon, the noise of the drill and my sister... Grr... And even till the evening... Well, national day, so, lots of plane fly pass... On normal occasion there are already alot around this area, and now even more! Can't I have a peaceful time? Well, thankfully it's just temporary or else I'm going mad!

Hmm... I think I sorta need more than 1 week to finish up with the texturing. UV unwrapping kinda took quite some time. I guess I'm just slow. Surfing CGTalk pretty much these days! Well, looking for texturing tutorials and interesting stuffs. Whoa! And I saw their HCR Modeling, Star wars Tribute. Well, as I scroll down, saw the winner. Somehow, just felt that it is really good! Not in terms of look, texture or model. Well, probably it's the expression. Just somehow felt the sadness and anger of the character. (If I predicted correctly) Sorta made me start thinking...

I remembered, an artwork... a good artwork will have meaning to it. It's suppose to be sorta like a kinda expression. But then, it can never pass without a good look. Maybe, it's just human? Sorta like, people tend to look at beautiful things with a first impression. If the first impression isn't that beautiful, it's harder for them to see the inner beauty... Hmm... lots of movies have alot of great characters, these characters have scary looks, but yet, inside there's love. I really admire that. And, it's really wow! I wondered if one day I would be able to create something like that, something with meaning.

Surfing for tutorials, unwrapping a little bit of my model and watching some video shows (hehe... oops!) In the evening, went off to the hospital to see my relative. Well, I guess he's getting better. Just some time after, the opposite bed in the shared ward, something sorta happen. It's really kinda terrible, the patient's heart sorta slow down quite a lot, around 40beats, his wife cried silently as the doctors and nurses try to get his heartbeat rate back to normal. Everyone around, even strangers, showed their concerns... I hope it's okay now...

After the hospital visit, went to have dinner and then to the new supermarket that opened behind my block. Yup, it's really much bigger than the one we usually shop at. When there's competition, the consumers are most fortunate! More stuff, bigger space to walk around and easier to get to.

Back home, carried all the things to the kitchen and tried to switch on my room's light... ah.... not working... So, waited for dad to come back and fixed it... The light bulb turned black, spoiled. Phew, luckily, there's a new unused one in the store room. And, that's the end of day...

Love is probably kinda sad...

I just have to do it!!!!

Ahh... It's kinda getting stress. Well, it's in a good way!

Finally, full focus on my model. Well, still tuning here and there. I think I better start unwrapping and texturing first before I do the weapons. The file size is pretty big. I wondered how I should go about doing it. Should I put everything together then unwrap and texture while hiding the rest or should I place it in different files? Hmm.... no confident in my proportions, so i guess i better put them together and tune it a bit...

Okay, hmm... grouping objects together or attaching them is better? I guess it's pros and cons. Erm... or rather I not very sure about that. Well, attaching things together makes the file size smaller, and objects can still be adjusted, but it's hard to select the polys or vertices. Hmm...

So, I guess the whole file size is gonna be pretty big... but, how big is big? Hehe... Don't really get it. Ah... just whack! just do it!

Help, help, HELP!

Argh...

I just so bad at modeling and texturing. I knew it long ago. Okay, so far, probably no one has even come across this blog.

Speed is really 1 key factor. The biggest problem with me is, I have no confidence and I am super slow. Well, any tips? (I'm like crazy...)

The way things are now are really making me feel demoralized. Everytime people tried to give me a chance, I just messed it up. Simply because I'm not fast enough. And I have no confidence to really send my resume out.

The way I am now, I'll probably just make the company lose money. Working as an intern? I don't even think I can pass that as well.

Argh... Damn. Just needed help I guess...

Whoa! Bird Park photos is that much?!

Yea... I'm pretty much of a lazy bum. Just woke up. Well, ate my brunch and check my email, wow! 22 inbox... Hmm...

Okay, so 18 of them they are all bird park photos which we celebrated mr duck's birthday... haha... Amazing, banana have compiled all of them together and sent 18 emails to everyone... I wondered how long it took to attach all of the photos. Really Thanks.

I guess I ain't really happy for quite some days now. So, I sorta get frustrated easily recently. But some how, really feel nice to go out with friends. Haha, got a bit drunk and having lots of fun at the bird park. Just made me feel better.

I kinda got frustrated yesterday, but I guess I felt much better today.

Hmm... nothing much to say, well, I guess I have to work on my reel. Kinda gonna die, because I can't really find a job now without a reel. And what is worst is that I'm taking too much time, I'm still not good with it. I just sorta wanna learn painting... No money, so I guess I'll have to search for tutorials.

Then again, is there really enough time for all these. There is just so much more to learn! And I'm not even near the starting line yet...

feeling sleepy for the whole day!

Feeling so sleepy for the whole day! what is wrong with me?

Weird, seemed to have forgotten how to cry. Hmm... Argh...

Watched Steamboy in the afternoon! And it's Whoa! Look at the details around! It's really really cool! I really wondered how they paint all those details.

Somehow, I think I really do feel like going around the world. Well, who doesn't want if given the chance to? I don't know why, but overseas, their CG graphics, stories and all of that are really amazing! Sometimes, can't really figure out how they did that.

Just feeling it's not enough. I'm just not good enough. And, the opportunities here are really little. Argh... I just gotta work harder.

Just what is wrong!?

I have no idea, but I seem to have lost my appetite... Sort of feel like vomiting... It's like after u eat something, after a while, ur tummy seem to produce a lot of air such that it became bloated and u felt like vomiting out every thing...

Maybe because of my weird sleep hours these days... Couldn't get myself to fall asleep at night. And, I woke up so late that I only ate 2 meals each day. Guess it's really kinda bad...

Working hard, but then, hard enough? guess still not hard enough. Okay, I think I better set some deadlines for myself. But, it just doesn't really work sometimes. Argh! Come on! Gotta buck up!

I must be crazy...

Argh... can't really sleep these days... What the hell is wrong with me?

Well, kinda went back to my old school... lots of changes just within 2 years. It seems like there are alot more new courses around, and of course the equipments look newer. Walked around the area, there are night classes there for working adults. But most of the area are close. Guess they are renovating the life area, cause when I walk pass, the guy just started drilling the ground. Whoa! It shakes...

Kinda feeling moody these days. What is bothering me? I dun really know, or is it, I dun wanna know. Hmm... A job, yup, I wanna try hard... Chance, haven't send resume or my reel out... Confidence, do I have any?

ARGH!!!!

Argh... feeling bored and sleepy...

Alright! Finally watched transformers! It's a very nice show! Well, kinda made me really interested in how they made those mechanics... It looks complicated and I wonder how they animate it transform... Hmm...

Argh... I don't know why... just kinda felt not too happy today... alright, maybe probably lack of sleep.

Well, came walking home through the big heavy rain, kinda feels good! And it's really good to take a hot shower right after that.

Argh... sleepy through the day... what is wrong with me?

Get Punk'd

Woo!!!

Haha... met up with my friends for dinner tonight... And we laughed the whole night long!

Well, started off with me meeting with xuan and then we went off first since ling is late... so, came out with a plan to surprise ling since she didn't know xuan came back!

Yeah! It worked! and ling thought I was gonna sell her because we walked up a pretty much dark alley...

During dinner... oh my god! I laugh until I got hiccups! went to little hong kong to eat. not bad... but i'm really full, probably too full... haha... the mango dessert is exciting! the ice cream will roll down the icy hills! hehe... and splash it goes!

After the whole dinner thing, hehe... kinda trick xuan that ling cried... suddenly cried and dunno why.. hehe... oops! And, yep, it worked! It's really hard to not laugh when xuan called to confirm the matter... haha... but, phew! managed to get it through... Wahahaha...

Well, okay, nothing much... I think i'll probably be punk'd next in the line... hehehe... oops... oh no!

Hopes...

I've just changed my blog here... Haven't been writing for a very very long time.

Gonna change the skin, and hopefully, this blog will be a much happier place. Will be posting some artworks I guess. Won't be posting much I guess.

Not really happy these days. Really wanna be a CG artist. I'm just really trying, but I guess it's not hard enough. It's so hard to explain what it's really like to others. Change and work as something else? No... If I do that, I'll never ever be happy again. I just have to try again and again. I really hope to make it. It's not about pay, it's really about being happy or not, having fun or not, enjoying work or not.

Argh... I really am lost... don't know what to do. To many others, I'm probably just a useless person. Yea, no point nagging about it. I'm really trying hard, but why? why do people always curse me and pray for me fail each and everytime just to make themselves happy, more superior. Making others sad, just to make themselves happy... Can't people just support and cheer? When these people exist, it feels worst than loneliness. But, luckily, I have good friends that supports and encourages me.

I am still learning and I have never thought that I was good in anything before. Just don't understand why some people will think of me as arrogant. I don't even have confidence. Well, at least, I do wish that I will have some confidence, it's seems to be empty. I wanna be happy. I really wanna be happy. I'll try and try and try...


A drop of tears fell suddenly... why?