When will it be my turn for good things to come?

Yea... Probably greedy. But I'm just really really tired... Can't think too well...

Easter, Good Friday, a public holiday. And it's gone, eaten away by my work... Worked for 15 plus hours that day... All the way till Sat morning... Argh... Why am I still working here... And worst part, I can't drink water at all, because I have no access to the toilet...

Saturday was fun! Well, though I didn't sleep much. But yeah! It's fun! Because I get to watch a movie with Enki-chan and get to hang out at SP Wushu's grad night and get to drink a tiny bit of beer... I don't know... but I guess it's fun...

Sunday... Work again... Well, I was only told of the deadline on Saturday night that the thing have to be done on Monday 2pm, and another on Tuesday 2pm... This really just makes me upset...

No OT pay, and I'm not gonna get my off day back either... It's just gone... And, I'm not doing something that is so great that can change my career path...

Okay... I'm just really upset these days.... Really feeling really sad... Maybe just really tired... Didn't get to sleep much... Probably getting used to it. But still, I do wan time for myself, friends and my family...

It just really feels lonely and tiring and nothing much to look forward to... Like, really lost and tired... Well, I'm putting the extra effort to update my resume and continue to draw and send out application to other companies. That's why this week, I hardly sleep...

Oh great... I don't know what I'm typing already... Argh... Well, yea... I'm really complaining a lot... but that's just me... And yea... sometimes just kinda thought of the question, "When will it be my turn for good things to come?"

Okay... my brain juices are really running out... Can't think much... Ahh... Trying not to be sad or emo in my blog which I usually am... But, argh... yea... again...

Well, think I should visit bananaahsoh.blogspot.com more often. The things they blog there kinda makes people laugh and it's pretty interesting too!

And I guess I have to put in more effort to set up another blog/website for my artworks... Kinda not too sure if I should put up a site for my texture collections though. Maybe I should just share it...

Well, I guess it's because the efforts I put in to things somehow always goes to waste. Either people don't appreciate it or someone else just took my credit away... I guess, maybe 1 day it'll be my turn... Ah.... don't know what I'm typing...

Sometimes thought of what to do in the future... I guess I sorta wanna settle down in a peaceful place somewhere in the world... And open a small cafe. Kinda wanna play the piano, then do some digital art occasionally... But right now, dun wanna settle down yet...

Really tired and felt like crying...

Stupid flush that burst the pipe! Grr... Should I or not?

Okay, I guess this week for work is kinda better as I managed to not work OT at all. Afterall, OT is not paid. Well, as usual the things that they assign never had a deadline. Hard to plan. Well, so, never give deadline then it's like, no deadline.

Yesterday, the toilet in the office... Darn! It's already the 2nd time... Well, it's the flush. First time I flush was more serious. The pipe kinda burst and water kept spraying out and it flooded the whole place... Then the 2nd time, it burst and go my arm drenched... Darn!

Kinda felt like participating in the dominance war. But, don't know if I'll have the time to do it. They need to see the progress as well, means have to go to their forum and update frequently... Alright here's the site: http://www.gameartisans.org/contests/events/3/rules/index.php
Okay, maybe it's good practice to make something out just for fun. So, probably will just keep that.

New openings at Ksatria... Argh... I have no idea why but every time I tried to open the webpage for the career section of the site there is a virus... So, it kinda just closed off after I click the link. In any case, hmm... should I try for the environment artist position? Kinda weird when my reel only consist of characters... Don't have any experience for games, but if I don't start or given the chance to learn, I'll be kinda stuck... And because of lack of time and money, didn't get the chance to play games for a long time... Argh... And yea... kinda scared too.... Somehow...

I guess I should start a new blog to put all my models and drawing there. Wondered if that's good. Because if it's a blog, it's not gonna be in order... Hmm... Can't expect people to use the search every time I guess... Hmm... Wondered how I should do it.

Ah... Later going for company dinner... Don't know what to do there except eat... Bored...

The crowded PC show and the dying me...

Went to the PC show, and yes, it's the last day. It's freaking crowded! If you are really not gonna buy anything there, is best to stay out because basically, there's nothing to see. Went with Enki-chan! Hehe...

Okay, so I finally got a Canon camera. Haven't really figure out all the controls and things like that. And I probably might not have alot of time to play with it. Well, just have to make sure the camera is there when we need it.

But it really is super tiring... Just grab the papers, find your way to the booth and gotta think fast and just buy it. Don't understand sometimes, these expensive stuff is not there for free, why is there so many people crowding around? Okay, there is free coffee and some free stuff but hmm... Don't know what to say about that. Well, it does makes people kinda think of this question, 'Buying products for the free gifts or for the quality product?'

Well, so summary is, went to PC show, make our way up and grab the brochures, find a spot to not block the way and think and think and think. After that, dash in to the booth, grab our stuff and get free gifts... Just tired... So tired till no strength to eat!

Okay, so now again, wanna kinda mention my job again. I know I know, have been complaining to alot of friends about it! Haha... That's what friends are for right? Hehe... And yep, I burnt their ears by complaining and complaining... Keke... Sorry and thanks my good friends!

Well, I guess the really key thing why I just really wanted to quit is because of feelings and passion. The longer I work there, just kinda felt like I grow to become sadder and sadder. It's like I just really wanna go out and have fun with my friends or family sometime, but it's almost like no time. Just so tired that I don't really have time to rest and thus, got MC on Friday.

I guess the doctor is not very happy that day. Quite a weird visit. End up, got pills for my running nose, sore throat and my tired muscles. Yep, I guess my body didn't have enough rest though...

Okay, and, the longer I work there, I just feel like there isn't passion there at all. The work is alot but it just doesn't satisfy me. It really is just work. Can't say it's for the money though, because it's low paying and most likely, Macdonald's will for sure pay more, considered the long hours. It's more like for suicide? Just don't feel alive at all... The longer I work there, the more dead I feel. That's why...

Well, and so on with the 2 companies that interviewed me. Hmm... Alright I'm gonna write an email to ask and really hope they'll hire me.

Had some weird dreams lately... And I think I should just draw. Alright off to grab something to eat...

Confessions...

My hands are weak... My body kept shaking most of the time... But I guess I just really wanna blog...

Okay, so I guess I didn't get the HK job ba. No replies from any of the companies. Well, yea, kinda disappointed. Maybe my current company really is a good training ground. Well, I don't know... I do feel that I am kinda impatient...

Maybe I just wanted to prove myself far too much. And I guess it just tired me out. Well, because I'm kinda like being fired before, laughed at by alot of people, back stabbed, and cursed... So I guess I just wanted to prove myself far too much. I guess that kinda ruined everything.

But to think again, it still does kinda worries me. What if I got into the company and couldn't make it? Maybe, it's just not time yet. Maybe I just have to stay in this company and train myself more first...

Well, probably because of lack of sleep and lack of exercise, I guess I became a really impatient person. Sometimes when I'm on my desk working, I just tend to think of unhappy stuffs and just makes me wanna cry. Trying my best to keep all these tears hidden and to forget about hatred. Just forget about the bad things that have past.

And ya... I guess I'm really a hateful person. Just have to try harder to forget about those bad things. Maybe I just don't have time for myself to really calm down... Just trying to remember that it's no use thinking too much because it's over, so just have to forget it and look forward. After I had this job, it's kinda like, hard to find something to look forward to. Trying hard... Just gotta try harder...

Kinda pathetic, but I just have to keep consoling myself. Trying my best to calm down and imagine or think of the good things. Really miss my friends. My weekends are burnt again... There's just too much work, so I guess I'll just have to be faster.

I just kinda wanna have more good memories and have fun with my friends, so yea... really miss them a lot a lot alot!!! They make you laugh and keep your worries away!

This job... I'm just kinda lost... Maybe I'm just trying my best to hang on to it because I just wanna be strong. But it really is tiring...

Haven't gone out of the country for so long already. No vacation for a really long time. And, quite alot of my friends are studying overseas, so I guess that's probably one of the reason why I wanted to work overseas so badly as well. Just wanna learn to be more independent and get to learn other things about live and surviving it and also how others lived their lives outside of the country. Maybe I just wanna look around. Travel around the world... Have got no money for that though... So probably through work, but I'm not good enough yet.

I think I should just take time off to rest up and go to falls and calm down. Well, was thinking of fixing up the jigsaw puzzle I bought quite a few years ago. Train my patience... But, no place in the room to make sure that it'll be kept save... Wanted to play photohunt as well. I guess the game kinda makes your eyes sharp. Like, looking out for details, shapes and shadows difference, things like that. Makes you patiently look for the difference while getting faster at spotting them.
Okay, I guess I'm just really tired... It's just kinda irritating with the shaking and shaking and shaking... Not comfortable.

Guess I better rest up. Maybe I need sometime to hibernate and heal up.