Time?

I just felt my time have stopped... It's sorta slowed down. Didn't even realized that it's already Friday...

Time is passing really fast!!! AH!!!!!

Whoa! It's already Thursday! YIKES!!!! And worst, it's already September...

I better hurry!

Grr!!!! Fight on!!!!

Ah... not really feeling well...

Just have that weak feeling... A little bit of headache... And feels like my eyes popping out.

I think I better change my lifestyle to a healthier one. Hmm... I should go gym now and then eh? But, any gym that is good to intro? And, yea, I better shift my sleeping time...

Ah... damn.

Rainy day

Nice cool rainy day... It's a really heavy rainy day. And, that makes me really sleepy... Ah... just sorta felt really nice to relax on this kinda days...

But, I don't think I can. Gotta paint paint paint... Well, though I did slept a little more today...

Damn! Last night, yup, I'm a little pissed off by a friend saying all those things. It's sorta like saying i'm useless or what so ever! Duh, what's so bad about doing freelance? What's wrong about spending my time at home to do my reel? Why would I need a part-time when I can survive with the money earn from freelance for the time being? At least, I'm NOT eating off from my parents' money! At the most, I'll have no money to spend. By the time, I'll sure be looking for a temp job to keep me alive.

Well, I guess it's just that he don't understand at all. He's doing video and yea, his works from poly can get him a job. But, me? It's 3D! And, over the whole school during my time, there are only less than 10 people who are interested in 3D. And, the course is a mixed of everything only. Well, of course, hopefully it's better now since there are finally courses specializing in the different areas. Even looking for a job with expected salary $1000 per month won't get u any job at all.

So, I gotta do a reel that is up to the minimum requirements in order to find a job. Without that, it's not really possible. And, doing part-time will take up too much time. I've tried that before, the reason why I quit is because, there is really hardly anytime to do my reel.

Well, just a little pissed. It's my life after all. Well, lots of people won't understand it. Not much of a pay, but it's fun. And, it's really the satisfying feeling that is really worth it. But of course, who wouldn't wish for more pay?

In any case, for now, I'll do my reel and hopefully can get into a good company, if there is overseas opportunity, grab it. And blah blah blah... For now, can't think too much, gotta finish the real basics first, the REEL! hehe...

Okay, off to paint... and, bump maps and displace maps always greyscale. Looking at too much black and white really make me @_@ !!!

Paint Paint Paint!

Had quite a terrible headache yesterday night.... Really dizzy. So, ate panadols and went to sleep. As usual, once the headache is removed, I sorta can't really sleep anymore. The more I sleep, the more the ache will come back again. So, end result, me waking up this early!

In any case, I think I better sleep just enough and not over. It's sorta like, once I sleep too much, I'll get headache for the whole day... And, I'll have that really terrible feeling of vomiting. Argh... Well, I better eat all the 3 meals per day... Stay healthy and stuff like that. And of course, to remove that feeling of being strangled...

Well, my eyes are still kinda sleepy. But, yup! I'm painting the bumps and displace maps already! Not done yet... I'm only doing the really 1st one for the creature/robot.

Okay, off to grab my breakfast!

YIKES!!!!!!

Alright, so, i did some cleaning up of my room...

WHOA!!!! DUST DUST DUST everywhere! After removing all the dust... AHH!!!!!!

Well, since most of my furnitures are made of wood... And, since whenever it rains, rain water splash in... and, AHH!!!!! It's sorta like damaged some parts of the furnitures... it's like bloated and stuff like that...

What I can't figure out is why one of the edge of my shelf is chipping off...

Really wanna buy new storage shelves, but, money is one thing. And, the other is, where do I put my old shelves then? I'll be glad that I can just throw them away, but Mom would probably disassemble them and put them in the store room (which is quite full now.)...

Luckily, didn't find any insect nests... Phew! Hope there won't be any...

Ah... my skin is peeling and peeling... ew.... feels like a snake peeling it's skin...

Well, there isn't anything else interesting for now I guess... or maybe, I just dun really notice them...

What a life.......

Well, now it's like, -----------

No emails to read....

Recently got this weird problem with my computer... It's really weird. I can't even explain... Currently, scanning my entire hard disk. Hmm... Any free anti-virus scanning website or devices to intro?

Asked a few people le... Eanne said it might be something to do with the RAM... hmm... Hope it doesn't appear again...

Well, under current circumstances, good, I'll be doing my reel! Haha... And so I guess, it's down to the traditional method of painting instead of Zbrush... Maybe after the creature I'll practise more on it.

Haven't really add links and the skin to my blog... Well, just one word to describe me, lazy... Haha... Sometimes, it's just better to admit ur own faults eh? After all, i'm not perfect. But of course, trying not to be that lazy... Maybe, just not trying hard enough... Oops... keke...

Grr... AHHH!!!!!!

Ahh... Mum just keeps on nagging about the mistake dad made for my sis's passport thing... It's just... Can't stand it sometimes...

I guess, I'm just sorta frustrated... Felt so so useless sometimes. People are already out there working, and yet, I'm still at home learning and learning... I'm young so it's okay? Nah... There are so many people who are young and yet they are so so so capable! They know so much things... And, I'm just still learning...

I knew all these long ago. But yet, why do people doubt me? I always knew that my works are not that good, but why to others, they always think that I'm arrogant? I just don't get it. I only had a tiny bit of confidence... And that confidence have already been wiped out completely... It's really hard to build it back...

Well, who cares? No comments, no improvement eh? I think I'm still pretty bad at figuring things out sometimes eh? ah... Guess I really wanna learn how to paint... no money to go for classes, so it's just the net and me... haha... I meant, the tutorials online...

Ahh... practising Zbrush... or rather just started... Haven't touch my reel for quite some time already... Hard to control...

Don't mind.... Don't care too much...

Maybe that's the fear. Because I mind too much, probably that's why...

A nice cool day... raining and raining... Feeling so much better I guess. Better start firing up the engine... It's really hard to start... Grrr....

My room is getting pretty dusty... I don't get it at all... why are there so many bugs crawling around... ew.... ants... spiders? and there's this tiny worm-like thing... AHH!!!!!

Friends... They are always there when u need them to, but, they can't always be there when u want them to eh? Ah... I guess I do miss friends...

Blank...

Am I that bad? So bad that almost everyone cancel their appointments with me...

Why is it that every time I ask people out, they most likely can't make it... Argh... Can't they ask me out instead... But why should they anyway eh? They are busy... Well, ahh!!! I'm just crazy...

Just felt so so so... blank... Ah... just what is wrong with me...

Lazy bones...

Yup... kinda lazy... ahh!!!

Sorta like, no motivation again... I'm like slacking off again... Didn't touch my creature all the way till now... ahh... bad... Worst still, didn't even draw!!!!

Hmm... should I change my hairstyle? ahh...

I am lost, yet am I really? Ahh... Or am I just too lazy to move forward... ahh!!!!

SCREAM!!!!

Hmm... getting a degree... Ahh... What's the point? the only point that I find is, to get a degree "for show". It doesn't increase my chance of getting a job. Oh, whatever...

Grr... Ahh!!! Ahh!!!! SCREAM!!!!!

ahh!!! I'm so confused...

Ahh!!! I'm so confused! How exactly do I control Zbrush...

It's so hard... Well, maybe I'm just not used to it. And it's AH!!!!! HELP!!!!

Maybe that's the way it is, whenever I find things hard, I'll just need sometime to calm down before attempting it again... Guess it's not really good eh? I should work harder! Yea, it really does feels good when I learnt something new.

Grr.... My arms a little tired... Maybe I should exercise a bit soon...

Ahh, I think the lazy bug is awake... Oh no!!!

End of work, I have to look for another soon.

Yup, gotta look for another job. Before that, I better finish up my reel.

Bad thing is, I'm kinda feeling a little lazy. It's hard to start the engine, but once it's started, shouldn't have a problem.

Whoa! Last week is really work, work, work and work. And, worst is, there's a public holiday last week, national day! And, I gotta work on that day, and also weekends...

But, at least managed to go for dinner in the evening of national with jewl. And after that went to DXO to look for Nut. Well, haven't seen him for so long, he really put on some weight. It's kinda weird atmosphere in DXO. It's a club, but it's almost empty. I wondered if it's because everyone is tired after the national parade. Worst thing is, there are live bands performing! Yet, there's no one there to 'ROCK IT!' That sorta thing. No one in the dance floor. Ah...

So, weekends, work and work till very late. Luckily, cab fare can be claimed! Phew... On Sunday, went out for lunch with my friends, it's Jiao's birthday celebrations. I actually felt kinda sad, because I left them after a while to go back to work. And, I'm sorta locked outside of the office... Ah...

Well, it's just a sad feeling within me, guess because I've been working and working... It's like, when you are not free, your friends' are free, and you can't join them. It kinda gets lonely too, when you are free and your friends' are not. Well, yea, complicated. Or maybe, I just need too much attention. Oh no!

Think I'm getting fat. For the past few days in office, I've been eating pizzas, KFC and Macdonalds... Oh no...

Well, yesterday's my last day, so, I'll just give myself a break today, and tomorrow I have to continue with my reel. Or rather, I just have to test and practise a bit on the software. Well, I guess I really learn a lot of stuff during my 2 weeks. And, yea! I can add something on to my resume.

Ah... not enough sleep, so I guess I'm getting really heaty... Haha... I wan beer!

What is happiness really?

Okay, so like the title says, what is happiness really? Well, no story here, just asking a complicated question.

Past few days working... Next week will be a pretty heavy week. After that, I'll just have to look for another job again. Well, sorta hope that I can go to a game company. So, I better work hard with my model. All that's left is texturing it. Before I do that, I think I'll probably just try some stuff out.

Oh ya, past few days working... It's really cool! I felt I really learn a lot of new stuff that I didn't even noticed it's inside the software. And I learn new things about texturing skin too! Like, falloff colours and the lighting setup that will affect it.

Yup, talking about that, sorta wanna try a bit of mental ray. Well, no really sure what's that about... haha... oh ya, forgot to ask my friend how to do the multi displacement maps stuff... haha...

Yesterday, went to watch The Simpsons, it's really great show where u can laugh none stop! Well, there are values taught in the movie as well! So, I guess is really pretty good. Hmm... I wondered, did they used ink and paint in the movie? Cause it looked a little 3D when rotated... Haha... but the last part right before the movie credits end is kinda scary! Haha...

All of a sudden, I guess I got sick. Funny, enki-chan got sick too. Is it me? Ah... I think I better bring my sweater with me to work next week. And, hope enki-chan's feeling better.

Well, these few days, I don't really know why, sorta have the feeling for missing something... Hmm... No idea what's that about. Sometimes, just felt that I don't really have a lot of friends, but luckily, I have a lot of good friends! Haha... Well, I guess the part where everyone grows up, we have lesser time to have fun. Just kinda felt, it's hard to find someone not that busy. But, still manage to find people to have fun with! And, that's phew!

What's wrong with me lately? Keep wanting to drink and drink and drink... And have the 'sian'/bored feeling hung up on my face. Or rather, that's just probably me. But, good thing is, I don't look so fierce anymore! Haha... Is it?