Confessions...

My hands are weak... My body kept shaking most of the time... But I guess I just really wanna blog...

Okay, so I guess I didn't get the HK job ba. No replies from any of the companies. Well, yea, kinda disappointed. Maybe my current company really is a good training ground. Well, I don't know... I do feel that I am kinda impatient...

Maybe I just wanted to prove myself far too much. And I guess it just tired me out. Well, because I'm kinda like being fired before, laughed at by alot of people, back stabbed, and cursed... So I guess I just wanted to prove myself far too much. I guess that kinda ruined everything.

But to think again, it still does kinda worries me. What if I got into the company and couldn't make it? Maybe, it's just not time yet. Maybe I just have to stay in this company and train myself more first...

Well, probably because of lack of sleep and lack of exercise, I guess I became a really impatient person. Sometimes when I'm on my desk working, I just tend to think of unhappy stuffs and just makes me wanna cry. Trying my best to keep all these tears hidden and to forget about hatred. Just forget about the bad things that have past.

And ya... I guess I'm really a hateful person. Just have to try harder to forget about those bad things. Maybe I just don't have time for myself to really calm down... Just trying to remember that it's no use thinking too much because it's over, so just have to forget it and look forward. After I had this job, it's kinda like, hard to find something to look forward to. Trying hard... Just gotta try harder...

Kinda pathetic, but I just have to keep consoling myself. Trying my best to calm down and imagine or think of the good things. Really miss my friends. My weekends are burnt again... There's just too much work, so I guess I'll just have to be faster.

I just kinda wanna have more good memories and have fun with my friends, so yea... really miss them a lot a lot alot!!! They make you laugh and keep your worries away!

This job... I'm just kinda lost... Maybe I'm just trying my best to hang on to it because I just wanna be strong. But it really is tiring...

Haven't gone out of the country for so long already. No vacation for a really long time. And, quite alot of my friends are studying overseas, so I guess that's probably one of the reason why I wanted to work overseas so badly as well. Just wanna learn to be more independent and get to learn other things about live and surviving it and also how others lived their lives outside of the country. Maybe I just wanna look around. Travel around the world... Have got no money for that though... So probably through work, but I'm not good enough yet.

I think I should just take time off to rest up and go to falls and calm down. Well, was thinking of fixing up the jigsaw puzzle I bought quite a few years ago. Train my patience... But, no place in the room to make sure that it'll be kept save... Wanted to play photohunt as well. I guess the game kinda makes your eyes sharp. Like, looking out for details, shapes and shadows difference, things like that. Makes you patiently look for the difference while getting faster at spotting them.
Okay, I guess I'm just really tired... It's just kinda irritating with the shaking and shaking and shaking... Not comfortable.

Guess I better rest up. Maybe I need sometime to hibernate and heal up.